When a team starts practicing real communication, things can get tense fast. I see it all the time. You open the door to more honesty, and suddenly old grievances that were never addressed start bubbling up. You’ll hear things like:
“Remember three months ago when you said…”
“I didn’t bring it up then, but…”
And the other person is left thinking, Well, what do I do with that now?
This kind of honesty can actually shock a team. Especially if they’re used to playing it safe, avoiding tension, or staying surface-level.
Why the Mess Surprises Leaders
Most leaders I work with think they have a good pulse on their team’s health. So when honest feedback finally shows up, it shakes their confidence.
They start questioning:
How did I not see this?
Why didn’t anyone tell me?
What else am I missing?
It’s disorienting—but it’s also the beginning of real leadership.
Because if you already have all the answers, why have a team at all?
The real challenge is how you respond. Do you let discomfort pull you into control mode? Or do you stay grounded and let it surface what’s been buried?
The Biggest Mistake Leaders Make
When things get uncomfortable, most leaders try to smooth it over.
They say things like “let’s not dwell on the past” or “we’re moving forward.”
Or they ignore the tension and move on fast.
But here’s the reality:
If you avoid discomfort, your team will too.
And everyone will slide right back into silence and status quo.
The goal is to strengthen their ability to sit in discomfort, to work through it together. You need to sit in the tension a little longer than feels good—and then help your team build that skill too.
Yes, It’s Messier Now—That’s the Point
If your workplace culture feels messier since you started inviting open and honest communication, that doesn’t mean it’s broken.
Think of it like cleaning out a pool that hasn’t been touched in years. From the surface, everything looks calm. But underneath, it’s full of muck, moss, and leftover junk.
The minute you start stirring it up, everything floats to the top. It looks worse before it gets better.
But as you keep working, it clears. You can see the bottom again.
And that’s when people trust the water. That’s when they dive in.
What Real Communication Looks Like
Doing this work, especially in a team that’s been burned before, can feel like emotional and cultural cleanup.
It’s tiring.
It’s slower than you want.
And it requires consistency.
But don’t wait. The longer you delay, the deeper the dyfunction will go.
If you want to build trust at work, the first step is getting real about where things are today, especially if it’s uncomfortable.
How to Know You’re On the Right Track
Here’s the test:
Are people having side conversations after the meeting?
Are they trying to pull you back to the “old way”?
Are certain team members suddenly challenging the process?
That’s normal.
But here’s what not to do: cave.
Stay steady. Point everyone back to openness and honesty.
And if someone can’t or won’t adapt, they may no longer be a fit and what a great discovery that can be.
What You Can Do This Week
Get curious.
Ask your team:
What’s working for you right now—and what’s not?
Don’t defend your choices.
Don’t explain away their feelings.
Just listen. The more openness you model, the more they’ll practice it too.
This work is uncomfortable and that’s exactly why it matters.
As a leader, your job isn’t to avoid the tension, but rather to lead through it. The discomfort you’re feeling is a signal you’re getting closer to something real.
Keep going. You’re building real communication one open and honest moment at a time.
Let’s Talk About the Real Stuff
If you’re in the middle of this mess, or ready to start stirring it up, we offer a free 60 Minute Meeting for leaders to get clear on what real communication could look like in their organization.
We’ll talk about what’s surfacing, what’s missing, and what’s next.
Email to schedule: Grace@KnowHonesty.com
