You made it three weeks before breaking your resolution. The one you genuinely meant on January 1st.
The problem? You’re lying to yourself about what you want.
You're Resolving for Someone You're Not
You resolve to wake up at 5 AM because that’s what successful people do, ignoring that you’ve never been a morning person. You promise to “network more” because it sounds professional, but you dread small talk.
You’re making resolutions for Fake You – the façade you project to look good. As we explain in Know Honesty, “Fake You is the façade we project rather than being 100 percent honest, truly and freely ourselves.”
These fail because you’re trying to become someone you don’t want to be.
The Story You Tell Yourself
Every January 1st, you tell yourself this time will be different. The calendar reset is magical.
That story is The Wall – the barrier your ego creates that prevents you from seeing the truth. “The Wall is the divide we create between ourselves and others rather than being 100 percent open, listening without reservation,” as we describe in Know Honesty. But The Wall also shows up between you and yourself.
Take the classic “I’m going to exercise five days a week” resolution after three years of trying. Asking why it didn’t work before matters more than resolving harder.
Your gym might suck, or five days might be unrealistic when three would stick. Admitting that feels like failure.
Making an Agreement With Yourself
Real change requires being honest with yourself about what you want and being open to what’s stopping you.
Real honesty – being truly and freely yourself – sounds like: “I want to feel healthier, but I’m unwilling to give up the hour of TV before bed. I value that downtime more.”
Real openness – listening without reservation – sounds like: “I keep saying I want this promotion, but every time I get close to applying, I find a reason not to. What am I afraid of?”
When you combine openness and honesty, you build resolutions on reality. Openness + Honesty = Real Communication – even with yourself.
Get Specific
Most resolutions are vague feedback you’re giving yourself. “I want to be healthier.” “I should be more present.”
Compare these:
Vague: “I want to advance my career.”
Specific: “I want to lead projects that let me mentor junior team members because that’s when I feel most energized.”
Vague: “I should be more confident.”
Specific: “I want to stop apologizing when I present ideas in meetings because I undercut myself before anyone else can.”
The specific versions require honesty about what you want and openness to what’s happening.
What Changes Everything
Make resolutions for who you are, not who you think you should be.
Get specific about the exact behavior you want to change:
“I’m going to be a better leader” becomes “I’m going to give my team specific feedback within 24 hours.”
“I’m going to take better care of my health” becomes “I’m going to stop working through lunch three days a week.”
Bottom Line
Resolutions fail when you’re dishonest with yourself about what you want and closed off to what’s stopping you.
As we write in Know Honesty, “What you want is attainable, no matter how big you’ve dreamed, because you have deemed it a possibility.”
Resolutions that change your life start with being honest about what you want and open to what’s getting in your way.