What it is

Fake You is the façade we project rather than being 100% honest. It is the result of a thousand tiny choices to protect comfort over clarity. Each one is small and forgettable. Together they construct a version of you that nobody really knows, including you.

You recognize Fake You after the fact at first. With practice, you catch it in real time. With more practice, you stop letting it run the conversation.

Where it shows up

Fake You shows up in any space where you are not being 100% honest. These are the four we hear about most.

  • In performance reviews. You soften the feedback so the room stays calm.
  • In partnerships. You agree out loud and disagree in your head.
  • In your own goals. You set the goal that sounds right, not the goal you really want.
  • In the family room. You take the role you have been assigned and leave the real one behind.

How to catch it

Three steps. Name it to yourself the moment it appears. Pause before responding. Replace the Fake You sentence with the truly and freely you sentence, even if it lands less politely.

This is the practice. Fake You will surface for the rest of your life. The point is to see it the moment it appears.

  • The Agreement. A simple script to follow at the outset of any conversation.
  • The Assessment. The measurable approach to open and honest.
  • The Wall. The divide we create between ourselves and others rather than being 100% open.
  • The Still. A one-page snapshot to help you uncover and become aware of today’s version of you.
  • Your Pursuit. The question to design the life you want.