What the Wall is

The Wall is the internal divide you create the second you stop being open to another person. It goes up when you disagree with what’s being said, when you judge the person saying it, or when you feel challenged, distracted, or tired. The Wall rises fast, and most of the time, you don’t see it until the conversation is already over.

The Wall is not the disagreement. The Wall is what you do with the disagreement before you’ve heard it.

In the Know Honesty method, the Wall is the opposite of the skill of openness, Listen Without Reservation™. Where the Wall closes the room, listening without reservation puts your needs and wants on pause long enough for the other person to land.

Types of walls

After 1,400+ Assessments and thousands of in-room hours, these walls appear over and over. They are examples rather than the whole list, and you tend to default to two or three of them.

  • The Aggressive Wall. You attack the idea so you don’t have to consider it.
  • The I’m-Always-Right Wall. You’ve already decided who’s correct. The conversation is a formality.
  • The Nervous Wall. You agree out loud and disagree internally. Nothing real lands.
  • The Busy Wall. Your attention is elsewhere. The person speaking feels it.
  • The Mad Wall. You’re carrying something into the room that has nothing to do with what’s in front of you.
  • The Exhausted Wall. You don’t have the energy to process. So you don’t.
  • The Control Wall. You’re managing the outcome, so the input never gets in.

What it costs your team

A culture full of walls is a culture full of meetings that don’t move anything. Decisions get re-litigated. Real problems stay hidden. The version of the team that shows up to the room is not the version of the team that exists. Speed dies first, then trust.

How to take the wall down

Three steps, in this order:

  • Catch it. Name the wall to yourself the second it appears. “I’m putting up the Busy Wall.” That’s it. Name it.
  • Pause. Three full breaths before you respond. The pause is the practice.
  • Reopen. Ask the question that signals you’re still here. “Say more.” “What am I missing?”

This is the work. You will put up walls for the rest of your life. The point is not to never put one up. The point is to see it the moment it appears.

The Wall sits inside the broader Six Practices framework. To go deeper, start with:

  • The Agreement. A simple script to follow at the outset of any conversation.
  • The Assessment. The measurable approach to open and honest.
  • Fake You. The façade we project rather than being 100% honest.
  • The Still. A one-page snapshot to help you uncover and become aware of today’s version of you.
  • Your Pursuit. The question to design the life you want.